No matter how hard we try to wish it, our master bedroom just won’t go away. And it isn’t fixing itself either. The only thing left to do is acknowledge its presence and officially document the before pictures. Take a deep breath, people: we begrudgingly invite you into our master bedroom.
Before we got down to the working part, Bradley spent a few hours spying on our neighbors:
Just kidding. Bradley’s measuring a couple of window that need to be replaced. He’s hiding behind a window roller because it doesn’t technically roll anymore. We have to manually roll it up every time we want a little light in the room.
Most of the other window rollers in the house were ripped down during one particularly hilarious hissy fit. It was very Joan Crawford moment, except instead of NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!! it was more like WHAT KINDA ROLLER DOESN’T ROLL?! So far, only 2 rollers on the entire second floor have survived our wrath. They’re both in the room we frequent the least. Ahem.
Anyway, the window panes are so old that they have a wavy look to them, and they make everything look a little blurry.
Check out the Freestyle Painting around the glass. Maybe there was a masking tape shortage when they last renovated the house. Yeah, that must be it. The Blue Tape Shortage of Aught-Nine.
Single-pane glass has an Energy Star rating of Your-Heating-Bill-Will-Bankrupt-You, so we want to get these swapped out pronto. Ahhh, the joys of buying a 130-year-old house. No insulation, crusty windows, energy-sucking boiler. Our goal is to fix all of those problems before Old Man Winter shows up and drains our wallets. We’re starting with the 3 Smurf Room windows and 2 master bedroom windows. These are the 2 master bedroom windows that need help:
The thing in the middle that juts out a little is a chimney. And on the other wall is the radiator:
You can get a better idea of the ceiling height there. Bradley’s 5’10″ if that helps scale it. The ceilings are 112 inches tall, which is about 9.333333 feet. The height really helps open up the room and make it feel even bigger.
On the flip-side of the chimney wall is the entrance to the room. You’ll see some more Freestyle Painting around the door frame:
Please ignore the pile of insulation. That’s the stuff we pulled out of the guest bedroom / hallway wall. We were too tired to carry it up to the attic, so we piled it up in front of the master bedroom until we could barely see the door. It’s all part of our delusion master plan.
We’ve already shared our faux marble turquoise light switch covers:
Those are perfectly complemented by our faux marble pinkish-red plug-in covers:
What color would you call that? Off-red? Rose? Mauve? Also, how exactly do you pronounce mauve? Moev? Or mawv? We say mawv, but it sounds a little too New Yorker to be right. Like kaw-fee (coffee) or bee-a (beer). My absolute favorite New Yorkism ever: brawr (bra).
However you pronounce it, that mauve monstrosity is not going to last much longer in our house. There was some talk of gathering up all of the colorful faceplates and repeatedly running over them with our car, but it didn’t seem like a productive use of our time. It also didn’t seem very sane, so we’re playing it safe and just tossing them in the trash. We’re laughing maniacally as we throw them away, though, so sanity is a moot point.
One of the biggest challenges we’re having right now is figuring out where we’ll put a king-sized bed in this room. All of the walls have something going on:
The fourth wall has a door smack in the middle. After years of living with a queen-sized bed and no bedside tables, we’re being pretty bratty about our master bedroom setup. We want a king-sized bed, 2 bedside tables with drawers, and lamps. The only wall that might work is the wall with the closet, but we’re not sure the bedroom door will fully open with a bed there.
After taking window measurements, we found ourselves staring at the walls, wondering how on earth we would make this a functional bedroom. And that’s when we had a brilliant revelation. We took a couple of measurements and confirmed it: the wall had a hollow space behind it!
We could remove the entire wall, move the closet somewhere else, and have a nice set-in section that would give us plenty of room! Bradley couldn’t wait to have a look at how much hollow space was behind the wall. He ran out of the room and came back with the sledgehammer:
Doesn’t he look so ecstatic? He made the same face when we ate at a Sonic for the first time ever:
Burgers and sledgehammers: it doesn’t take much to keep the boy happy.
Bradley used the sledgehammer to smack a hole in the wall, but the hammer just kept bouncing back. It wouldn’t crack through. Um…turns out he was hitting a stud. Oops! So he knocked another hole next to it:
There was lathe behind the wall, just like we were expecting.
We pulled the wood strips out, reached in to see how much room we had, annnnnnd…
….saw the back the guest bedroom closet. Oh. Crap. The wall was hollow, alright, but there are only about 4 inches to work with. Somehow we got our measurements wrong by a couple of feet.
We blamed it on the fact we had been doing manual labor all day before we got to this project. Our brains weren’t working at full capacity. Maybe we were holding the tape measure upside-down. We needed a nap. The dog ate our homework. No matter what excuse we came up with, we knew it all came down to this: we screwed up.
After a few choice profanities, we grew silent and just stared at the back of the guest bedroom closet through what used to be a perfectly good wall. Then we walked out of the master bedroom, closed the door behind us and stacked our insulation in front of it.
Mistakes: we all make ‘em. But it takes a special type of person to walk away and pretend like it never happened.
To help cleanse ourselves of the residual guilt, we decided to do something uber-productive and totally necessary. Like go up to the attic and look around at stuff. We’ll do whatever it takes to forget.
The attic door, in case you forgot, is in the Purple Room:
Purple walls. Purple trim. Purple door. Purple floors. Prince called. He wants his palette back. Or he wants to move in and pay rent. I forget.
The Purple Room is another one of those close-the-door-and-let-it-get-sucked-into-a-vortex rooms, but it does have one huge redeeming quality:
Brick! We’re such suckers for exposed brick. It’s going to take all of our will power to not go completely overboard and expose every inch of brick in this house. We sometimes struggle with taking things too far — why do it when you can overdo it?? — but admitting we have a problem is the first step. Still, when we need a hit of brick, we go peek at the attic wall. It fills a need and keeps us from going jackhammer-crazy all over the place.
For all of you who have wished us luck in finding some antique artifacts in our attic:
We found some shutters! They’re easily as old as the house itself and are covered in inches of grime. There are 4 windows on the front of the house and we found 3 shutters that look like a perfect fit. Keep your fingers crossed that we’ll find a fourth lying around!
We’re honestly not sure these shutters are even salvageable because they’re so covered in nastiness, but we’d be willing to give them a power wash if we find the missing one.
Those shutters, by the way, are the only thing we found in the attic. A few weeks ago, a sweet elderly couple dropped by the house to chit-chat, and they told us they were hired to clean up the house after the foreclosure. Apparently there was a lot of “junk” in the attic and garage, and they got rid of everything. We were a little sad, but also a little relieved because it means less work for us.
Sorry to disappoint, but unless we find something really cool hidden in a wall somewhere, our biggest finds have been a block of wood, a tin of flux, a roll of wire, a DVD and a half-empty can of beer. And that busted chimney that someone sealed up and hid under the guest bedroom floor.
What we learned from our venture into the forbidden zone:
- Measure twice, bust through wall once.
- The master bedroom may end up being the guest bedroom, and the guest bedroom may end up being the master bedroom.
- None of our friends are going to visit us after they see that last bullet point.
Is that chimney actually used for anything? If not, knock that sucker out and flatten that wall.
i was thinking the same thing
We caaaaan’t. The chimney is actually in use — it’s how our boiler vents out. We did come up with a few ideas on our drive to PA last night, but we won’t know they’ll work until we go measure stuff tonight / tomorrow. *Fingers crossed that one of them works*
Hello again.
You guys are making mauve-alous progress.
You probably know a lot of what I am going to mention. I don’t mean to talk down at you or anything. We are all experts at something.
Just wonderin’ about a few items, since you mentioned the energy saving thing.
Those windows that you are going to replace… do they have the weights and ropes? Will the new windows use the same or will they use the side friction vinyl slides? If your new windows won’t use the weights and ropes, you might consider filling that weight/rope cavity with insulation. If you just cram fiberglass into the space, a common pastime, but it will only filter the air. You will have dandy fiberglass storage but no energy savings as the wind blows through. Fiberglass doesn’t stop air flow. My mammothly messy suggestion is to use spray foam in a can. You might want to buy a length of clear vinyl hose to extend the straw on the spray foam can nozzle. You could at the same time drop in a bunch of packing peanuts to take up space and use less $$$spray foam. Give the foam time to do its thing and expand so you don’t overfill the space and put a bind on the windows. Wear long sleeved shirts and gloves. Spray foam turns your skin black. Not permanently, but maybe a week. Or more.
Now, if you don’t mind me wandering around your house, up to the attic. It looks like there is a solid floor up there under the shutters? They used to do that. Is there any insulation under that floor? Yes/no? I’ll assume the answer is no. At least you can do it right and you don’t have any of that vermiculite crap with the potential of asbestos in it. Are you ever going to use that attic as living space? If so, you would want to insulate the roof, not the floor. If you aren’t going to use the space, or not for at least 27.33333 years, you might want to insulate under the attic floor. Heat rises so your biggest bang for your buck is to insulate under that attic floor. But wait. What kind of wiring do you have? Is it the old vintage knob and tube? Or has it been updated to Romex? If knob and tube, congratulations, you can now hire an electrician. You can’t just insulate over it. It is a fire hazard as the wires need air to keep them from overheating. So, if knob and tube, you would need to upgrade to current electrical standards. No pun intended (current, get it?). Then, my favorite insulation short of spray foam is blown in cellulose. Trumps fiberglass in my opinion. This is a wonderful DIY project and good for lots of laughs and photos with lots of dust everywhere. You can rent a blower when you buy the cellulose or they may throw it in for free. My wife Cynthia operated the blower, dumping bag after bag into the hopper down in the driveway and I blew in the attic. After making sure the electrical upgrade is all good to go, button the floor back up, drill some access holes the size of the blower hose, and have at it. Fill that entire floor cavity with cellulose and you will immediately (I mean in minutes) notice that your house is a lot more comfortable. Summer or winter. You will no longer need to wear a hat to bed unless you want to. I wouldn’t want to presume. (Disclaimer: It is possible, just possible, that if your lath and plaster ceilings are not solidly intact, that the insulation could cause some bulging in the ceiling. Part of the fun. Just sayin’.
But wait. Is your house platform framed or balloon framed? Platform is the current way of doing things. There are top and bottom 2×4 plates (horizontal boards). But the old balloon style framing used studs that go all the way from the first floor up through the second floor and into the attic. No plates. If balloon is whatchagot, you can kill another elephant of the energy wasting kingdom. There may be spaces at the perimeter of the attic floor. You can spit and it will go all the way down through the walls to the first floor. As I said, (so why repeat?) this is another gynormous energy waster. My suggestion would be to get some foam insulation sheets. Inch and a half thick or so. Cut the sheets into small blocks that can stuff into the spaces between the studs. Then spray some foam in a can around the perimeter of these foam blocks. Viola and walaugh, you have just thwarted the chimney effect of your house (suck air in at the bottom, blow your heating $$$s out the top).
But wait. Before you do the foam block thingy, is there any insulation in the walls? If no, check your wiring and upgrade if necessary, then spray cellulose down into the walls at the same time you insulate under the attic floor.
There. these are big, big tasks, but if they need to be done and you do them, you will reap huge carbon footpring reduction awards. You might want to ask your local energy utility company if they have any grants for this type of insulation work. They may pay for it! Now wouldn’t that be nice?
OK. If I have been a bad house guest, please show me the door. Otherwise, I look forward to seeing your progress. Personally, I like the mauve. Fred in Panama
Holy moly, Fred. You’re a wealth of knowledge! The one thing we totally hadn’t thought of was to foam insulate the weights in the windows — great idea!!
We’re definitely blowing insulation in the attic, and since our house is too big for the two of us, we don’t plan on using it as a living space. That makes things so much easier! We got super lucky with the wiring. All of the knob & tube stuff is gone, so we can insulate away without worrying about starting a fire. We checked last week to see if we had space at the perimeter of the house where we could blow insulation down through the walls (would have made things even easier!), but we don’t. It’s not so bad, though, because we plan on re-doing most of the plaster walls with sheetrock anyway. That way we can get rid of the frumpy walls AND insulate at the same time.
Thanks for sharing all the great advice about insulating! We want to keep our carbon footprint as small as possible, not just for our wallets’ sake, but for the planet’s sake. So we’re definitely taking insulation seriously and plan to seal up everything as much as we can.
Oh, Leena, I hurt for you when you sledgehammered the wall and found the back of your guest closet – ouch…happens to the best of us. As far as bed placement, I was wondering the same thing that Jackie mentioned – any chance that the chimney is unused and could be removed? I totally understand the need to keep the king-sized bed. If they made anything bigger than king-sized, I would have one of those
)
No dice — we’re stuck with the chimney because it vents out our boiler. But we may have figured out a solution. If it doesn’t work out, we’re totally taking over the guest bedroom as the master bedroom, which wouldn’t be so bad. I’ll take French doors and giant closet over huge room any day!
I am sure Prince would be an excellent, very mild-mannered renter. If you don’t sign a lease with him soon, I heard that Barney is also looking to relocate…
FYI, I think “closing the door” is perfectly acceptable coping method. You’ll figure out that room and tackle that wall when the time is right….
(Three cheers for a King bed – highly recommend even if part of it has to hang out wavy window…)
Oooh, Barney would be a way better tenant. All sharing and caring with none of the diva tendencies!
people keep talking about taking out the chimney… why not just put the bed headboard in front of the chimney, and have a bit of a space back there… good for storing paintings you don’t have a place for yet, or for putting a standing lamp or two for reading purposes. then your side tables would fit under your windows, and you wouldn’t need to put lamps on them which would block your windows and some of the natural light you could have coming in through there.
Also, depending on how tall they are, even if you don’t find a fourth window panel thing, you could connect them together with door hinges and use it somewhere in the house as a partition type thing… Also, goo-gone soaked rags left on the grotty grime might help get it loosened before you start spray cleaning.
The space between the windows is, sadly, not enough for the bed to fit. There would be overhang on either side of the bed. And the mattress would sit taller than the window frame. The whole thing would drive us nuts — Type A to the max! We have a lot of measuring to do tonight to figure out what might work…
ouch, rookie mistake! we wanted to do the same thing but had the same problem, only you guys own the other side of the wall! If the master bedroom is much larger you should just move BOTH closets! and keep the chimney but expose the brick!
Expose the brick — now you’re talking my language!!
We talked a little about moving the closets, but couldn’t figure out a better place to put them that would leave the guest bedroom as open as it currently is. We wanted to avoid cutting into weight-bearing walls (doable, but huge pain in the butt!), so we’re kinda limited. It would be so much easier if we could just move the entrance to the bedroom!
A couple of people have mentioned knocking out the chimney in your MB if it isn’t used in order to get a nice wall to place your bed, but that’s a whole LOT of work (although I imagine you could get a whole bunch of great posts out of it – not to mention the awesome workout you’d get from knocking out the brick, and then hauling it away).
I have another suggestion – why not build out the wall between the two windows to match the depth of the chimney – this will give you a great wall on which to place your bed and, if you painted it a different colour or used a great wallpaper it would look like an awesome floor to ceiling headboard.
Also, building out the wall a bit would give you the opportunity to install wall mounted reading lights if you wanted to go that route instead of bedside lamps.
You read our minds =) This is exactly what we’re measuring for tonight! The only issue we have with it is that the windows aren’t centered on the wall, so it might look weird. Really, we’re just being brats about having everything be absolutely perfect. But, we’re definitely checking it out. Another thing we were thinking about is sealing up the door, creating a new door that leads to the purple room and having that be the entrance into the bedroom with some pocket or sliding doors. Then we could put some chairs and have a little sitting area in the master bedroom AND we would be able to place our bed against the closet wall without worrying about how the door will open!
P.S. As much as I love a good workout, I have to admit that the idea of knocking down and dragging out bagfuls of brick is so NOT appealing right now!!
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